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Feature: The Film Fluff Worst 3 Films of 2016…so far…

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From the sublime to the ridiculous.  Whilst 2016 has been a great year so far for the cinematic community, there have been a few rogue sprouts in the delicious Christmas dinner that has been the last six months.  I’m sure there have been worse films than the following, but based on all the movies I’ve managed to see then the dross I’m about to list should come with chin straps to stop your jaw hitting the floor in utter bemusement!  So, let’s relive some guff!

Apocalypse

No.3: X-Men: Apocalypse

Following on from two well-received prequels in the X-Men franchise, this damp squib of a movie managed to disappoint despite director Bryan Singer returning to the helm and the addition of super-actor Oscar Isaac playing the legendary X-Men big bad; Apocalypse. With a terribly written script, impotent villains and established actors hamming up the screen so much that it would put Babe to shame, this clunker of a movie was an overwhelming let down that would challenge The Last Stand to the title of Worst Film in the X-Men Franchise.  There are a few highlights, but not enough to save this over-long tripe. I’m a fan of the X-Men cartoons and have enjoyed most of the feature films, so I don’t criticise this lightly.

Danish

No.2: The Danish Girl

Oh Alicia, why o why did you have to be in this?  Okay, it’s a profound story with the ever reliable Tom Hooper in the director’s chair, but didn’t you see the warning signs when you test-screened against the surprisingly abysmal Eddie Redmayne?  His performance as transgender Lili Elbe is shockingly terrible.  It makes me wonder if he thought his second Oscar was in the bag when he should have been concentrating on improving his pantomime-esque performance.  It took all my effort not to shout “he’s behind you!” at the screen whenever he was in frame!  How was he even nominated for the Academy Award?!  There are arguments defending Redmayne’s amateurish portrayal stating that he is learning to behave like a woman so his performance will not be perfect.  Okay, I can go with that, and there are moments when his subtlety is breathtakingly sublime, but surely his portrayal of a woman should get better as the film progresses and not go jarringly up and down like a rickety see-saw!  

Redmayne’s performance isn’t the only distraction.  The sets and props look so decadent and artificial that they cannot possibly accurately recreate the grittier backdrops of 1930s Denmark.  

Not even the fabulous Vikander and beautiful cinematography could save this.  Such a wasted opportunity to create a film that could have set the world alight.

Affleck

No.1: Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice

Crikey, where do I start with this one!

Let’s list the good points first.  Gal Gadot played the role of Wonder Woman with aplomb, and the musical accompaniment for her scenes and Lex Luthor’s were wonderful and fit the characters well.  Ben Affleck did okay as Batman, but wasn’t given enough screen time to judge either way.

Everything else was trousers.  Not just your average pair of slacks, but trousers so rank they stand up by themselves!

Here’s the list of bad points: Amateurishly copying Marvel; lazy; boring; pretentious; incoherent script; mind-bogglingly crazy decisions made by characters; JESSE EISENBERG AS LEX LUTHOR; floaty CGI; failure to successfully integrate the new characters; action scenes too fast and too dark to enjoy; trailer gave away all three acts; JESSE EISENBERG AS LEX LUTHOR!!!!!

…and they’re releasing an extended edition?!  Why would anyone want to prolong the agony?!

Zack Snyder, your homework is to watch Captain America: Civil War on loop until you finally understand how to make a competent superhero movie.  Your deadline to do this is before you pick up a camera and shoot your first frame of Justice League… oh, he’s started already… Put the camera down Zack!  The DC fans and film fans in general deserve a lot better.

So concludes my list of the worst three films of 2016 so far.  I predict my worst two will stay the same by December but I’ll keep an open mind!  Here’s hoping though that come December I’m struggling to put together a top three best films of 2016 because of all the fantastic new releases I’ll be watching between now and the end of the year.  After all, who really wants to see bad films and write a scathing blog about them?

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