I have a confession to make… I never liked the Absolutely Fabulous TV series. I just didn’t understand what it was supposed to be about so didn’t find it funny, and it wasn’t funny enough to hold my interest to find out what it was about. So, I was stuck in a loop I couldn’t be bothered circling and gave up. Before you throw eggs at my door and brick my windows, in my defence, I was very young when it was first aired so maybe it was a bit too old for me. I’ve watched it since though and it still falls flat…
So, with the release of a fairly amusing trailer and a persistent fiancée, I went to the flicks and ignored the voice in my head screaming at me to stop.
I should have listened.
The story is a simple and predictable one. Eddy (Jennifer Saunders, who also “wrote” the film) is accused of killing Kate Moss (herself) and so with ever faithful friend, Patsy (Joanna Lumley), they go on the run to the South of France to escape the heat.
Before I write a review, I like to get an idea of what I liked and what I disliked about a film so that I can express a fair and balanced opinion before putting fingers to keyboard. Even if I hated the film I will always find something positive to comment on. I really tried with this one, I promise, but the only two things I can praise it for are:
1) Joanna Lumley looks fantastic for her age.
2) It was short so the torture, whilst unpleasant, was thankfully brief.
I don’t think I can class that as praise though.
How on Earth did this script get the green light for production?! It’s just a random bunch of stuff that just happens around a flimsy plot that has no cohesion. All the funny bits are in the trailer and they only just about raise a titter! Mark Kermode, probably one of the most famous film reviewers, says that a comedic film should have at least six laughs. I didn’t laugh once, in fact, I don’t think the entire audience laughed six times. I’m not sure if one chap coughed or laughed which may have made it six, but he looked like an educated guy so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
There is such remarkable talent on screen that could of had us rolling in the aisles with laughter and all of them are criminally wasted. No one is particularly bad in this film (bar every single teeth-gratingly awful cameo that is shoe-horned in) but what they c
ome out with is just not funny. You look to the usually reliable Jane Horrocks and Ms Lumley to make you chuckle, but they’ve got nothing. This film has Kathy Burke and Barry Humphries in it and when they are introduced you start to think that hilarity will finally ensue, but it doesn’t, and their appearances are fleeting and so unimaginatively written that they are almost playing their roles straight! Shocking!
The direction and editing are both unremarkable and, at times, clunky to the point of distraction. Some of the creative decisions make you wonder if they spent too much money on getting MDF-esque supermodels to grace this film with their presence and then ran out of cash to hire a competent film crew! The cameos in this film must take up more screen time than Eddy and Patsy put together! It is an endless parade of A to Z-listers and they add nothing to the story. I can only imagine that Ms Saunders must have been staring blankly at her computer monitor trying to come up with a few lines of dialogue, struggled, and then repeatedly copied and pasted “Insert cameo here” until inspiration took hold…
…and it clearly never did!
Also, why do sitcom writers migrate their characters when writing a film adaptation? This has been done to death with unoriginal and unfunny results and it’s getting tedious. This relies heavily on a fondness for the characters established in the TV series as it is woefully lacking in every single department that makes up a successful film comedy. I expected more originality, talent and sheer honest graft from Ms Saunders and I was disappointed with the lazy route that she has taken with this film.
I can’t believe I have just been on TV and talked about my worst films of 2016 so far and then I go and see this monstrosity, which is easily the rotten cherry on the stinking, putrid cake of awfulness that is Batman v Superman and The Danish Girl.
I don’t want to waste any more of my time writing a review of this bilge when I have a toilet to clean.
Absolutely Fabulous? Absolutely not!